Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway!
This is easier said than done; I did it anyway with my experience of skydiving from 10,000ft high!
My tremendous fear of heights led me to do something completely crazy and totally out of my comfort zone. One day a year ago, after a meditation retreat, I overheard two guys talking about doing a skydive to raise money for a charity supporting education for a nunnery in Kathmandu. My ears pricked up, I felt so much enthusiasm to join and I was quickly accepted to join this adventure. Having just come out of retreat, my fear of heights was forgotten, subsided and the mind accepted almost anything as I was in a happy and light mood.
A couple of months later, I was contacted by these guys and they told me the date and place for the dive! I was filled with trepidation and couldn’t pull out since the event was going to a good cause. As the day was getting closer and closer, I kept saying to myself how I hoped the event would be cancelled or forgotten. Neither happened, as I was collected at 5am on a late summer morning. We arrived at the London of Parachute School quite early. But, it took another 5hrs of waiting time before we were called for our jump due to bad weather. The school prepared us with a safety talk about the jump. They showed us the plane we were going to be in and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this little, tiny plane! My mind started ruminating and I found my chest and body were beginning to tighten due to the rising fears. I tried everything to trick my mind and stayed with my breathing most of the time.
When we were finally called to go I remember thinking, “This is going to be one of the most profound experiences of my life if I can make it coming back down”. When I jumped out of that plane, my heart felt like it was bursting inside, exploding all over as there were nothing else for me to hang on to except being pulled and sucked down by gravity. The fear inside me was so intense I thought I was going to pass out. There was no other choice but just to give myself away, to lose all control and surrender to what was happening to me at a very fast rate. I was so amazed by the profound results of surrendering all control, I mean TOTAL control, plunging into mid air into the vastness of the sky. It left me feeling a deep sense of inner peace, followed by joy, wrapped by a blanket of calm and serenity from the view that filled me with such awe after all my very loud screams echoing all over the sky thinking ‘I am going to die’ maybe not from the actual dive itself, but from the strong fear!
As I relaxed a bit I allowed myself to float with more ease with my instructor. Deep silence was felt amongst the clouds. It was this deep silence that came with equanimity and grace as I tried to let go a bit more, a bit more and then letting go completely, which strangely enough have led me to a taste of liberation. My mind became more supple and loose and fully opened like a parachute and crystal clear at the same time. My heart was calm as I greeted the world from this height. It was exhilarating as I felt a wave of gratitude rush over my head and thoughts about teachers, family, friends and generally people, places and animals I am so blessed with. All my insecurities were released into thin air. Overall the whole experience felt like I was actually doing a retreat in the sky not needing to be sitting crossed legged on a cushion like I normally would. In other words, this was a flying retreat in itself since the experience has led me so deeply into my own being. It was awesomely, unbelievably amazing!
I was so glad I did the dive and words cannot justify how wonderful and invigorating this experience was for me. From this encounter I feel I have learnt so much on so many levels and by just forging through something so uncomfortable as this. I have discovered how resilient you can be if you just learn to trust, be patient and be with the process. I have learnt to deal with fears and uncertainties in a gentle and loving way by not suppressing or blocking them but simply acknowledging them and allowed these feelings to dance like I did in the sky. The results were outstanding – being free, open and spacious flying like a bird free from an open cage. Thank you fears, because of you I am able to grow and move forward to another level of life.
